The Lowly Colon
by David A. Darbro,
M.D. Copyright August, 1995
In our arrogance, we humans all too often consider the functioning of
those lesser parts of the body as being inferior to the functioning of the
more noble members of our anatomy. As an example of what I mean, is it not
true that we humans haughtily admire and dote upon intellectual performance
and esteem knowledge as being of far greater importance than the
contribution of any other aspect of our earthly frame? But the truth is that
we err in our ignorance. Consider, if you will, how the loftier parts would
function if the hinder parts were not cooperative.
Voila, the colon! Granted, it's not a particularly beautiful or gifted
organ -it usually just sits there quietly, draped about the inside of our
abdomen. Once in a while it asserts itself by producing an occasional
embarrassing gurgle or rumbling. In fact, we hardly even know it's there
unless it makes its presence known in the bathroom whore the fruits of its
labor may or may not please us. At times we become annoyed with it if gas is
inadvertently passed, fearing that others may hear, or (worse yet) notice in
other ways. The harsh truth is that we seldom think much about our colons
unless they misbehave. It seems that very few of us are into the habit of
admiring our personal sewer systems on a regular basis.
This state of affairs must be dealt with on a national basis for it
amounts to nothing less than outright inequality. We must stop this rampant
bigotry against colons. The truth is colons are important contributing
members of our society whether you realize it or not and demand justice.
Consider if you will, the chaos that results when the septic system out in
the yard gets stopped up and the toilets begin to overflow. Not a very
pleasant happening is ? Don't all intellectual musings suddenly come to an
abrupt end when this disaster strikes? Aren't all other functions in the
household then given secondary priority? Or consider what disruptive damage
occurs to the car engine when some kid crams a potato into the exhaust pipe
of your car. Try driving away and see what happens then.
The very same principles apply whether we are talking about sewers,
exhaust pipes or -the lowly colon. In each of these examples the whole
cannot function in an integrated manner without the contribution of its
lowliest parts. Designed function can not be altered without there being
sever consequences. If the colon parts aren't working right, then colonic
cleansing becomes a way to help the body do whar it cannot do well itself.
It is akin to using the plumber's coiled snake device to unstop clogged
drains, or the mechanic's grasping tool to remove the jammed potato stuck in
the car's exhaust pipe.
A clean colon is necessary for the health of the whole human in the same
way that a clean drain pipe is necessary for a clean bathroom or a clear
exhaust pipe is required for an engine to function well. When our colon is
plugged u, the rest of the body, including the noble brain, can not function
well. All the exalted Central Nervous System can do it produce fuzzy cloudy
thoughts of confusion, depression, or despair when the hinder part of the
body is ailing. The truth is that without the humble contributions of the
least of our parts, the whole body suffers.
What can we do about this problem? Perhaps the President should declare a
national Be-Kind-To-Colon-Week to honor this humble, yet vital part of our
anatomy. Something must be done about the pervasiveness of colon prejudice
that exists throughout this country. If we would but recognize our colons
and give them a little praise and attention now and then we would feel much
better about ourselves as humans. TLC is never without its reward. When we
do our part to contribute to the growing grassroots movement to bring about
colon edification throughout the land we will find we can bring about the
state of blissful contentment through colon happiness. A little bit of
gratitude will go a long way to help these organs begin to feel good about
themselves. We should have parades of marchers on Thanksgiving Day or New
Years Day at the Rose Bowl Parade carrying banners proclaiming that Colon's
Are Beautiful. Perhaps in this way we can right the suffering these lesser
parts have endured over all these years. Colon's have rights too and deserve
to be treated with equality. A colonic tuning by means of a good cleansing
could be just the very thing you need to bring about the harmony and
optimized functioning you have been missing out on all these years. Don't be
a colophobe!
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