Twisted Humor

• One good turn gets most of the blanket
• Life is uncertain, eat dessert first
• Dogs believe they are humans. Cats believe they are God.
• My Karma ran over your Dogma
• Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.
• Out of Body. Back in five minutes.
• Just because you're smart doesn't mean the other guy is stupid.
• Your imagination is your preview of life's coming attractions.
• I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as
  they fly by.
• Life is God's way of preserving meat.
• I put the 'fun' in dysfunctional
• Baroque(adj.): When you are out of Monet
• Life is a bitch but some of the puppies are cute.