-
Phone Conversations are
over in 30 seconds flat.
-
You know stuff about military
tanks.
-
A five-day vacation requires
only one suitcase.
-
You can open all your own
jars.
-
Dry cleaners and hair cutters
don't rob you blind.
-
You can go to the bathroom
without a support group.
-
You don't have to learn
to spell a new last name.
-
You can leave the motel
bed unmade.
-
You can kill your own food.
-
You get extra credit for
the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
-
Wedding plans take care
of themselves.
-
If someone forgets to invite
you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
-
Your underwear is $10 for
a three-pack.
-
If you are 34 and single,
nobody notices.
-
Everything on your face
stays its original color.
-
You can quietly enjoy a
car ride from the passenger's seat.
-
Three pairs of shoes are
more than enough.
-
You don't have to clean
your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
-
Car mechanics tell you
the truth.
-
You can quietly watch a
game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: "He
must be mad at me."
-
Same work - more pay.
-
Gray hair and wrinkles
only add character.
-
Wedding dress - $2,000.
Tuxedo rental - 75 bucks.
-
You don't mooch off other's
desserts.
-
You can drop by to see
a friend without having to bring a little gift.
-
If another guy shows up
at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong
friends.
-
Your pals can be trusted
never to trap you with "So, notice anything different?"
-
You are not expected to
know the names of more than five colors.
-
You don't have to stop
and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
-
You almost never have strap
problems in public.
-
You are unable to see wrinkles
in your clothes.
-
The same hairstyle lasts
for years, maybe decades.
-
You don't have to shave
below your neck.
-
At least a few belches
are expected and tolerated.
-
Your belly usually hides
your big hips.
-
One wallet and one pair
of shoes, one color, all seasons.
-
You can "do" your
nails with a pocketknife.
-
You have freedom of choice
concerning growing a mustache.
-
Christmas shopping can
be accomplished for 25 relatives, on
-
December 24th, in 45 minutes.